You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
