I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
