he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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