Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
