he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
