Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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