THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
