last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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