Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
