..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
