my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize