whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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