Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
