she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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