You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
