Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
