she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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