Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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