we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
