it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
