He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
