He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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