im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
