go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He shit in the fireplace
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
