the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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