your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
