I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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