she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
