We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
