she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
