What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
