you turned your livingroom into a bong?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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