Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
