I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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