are you still at the devil's house?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
