My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
