My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
