he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
