eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
