I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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