She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
