awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
