dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
