i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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