I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
