Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
