That's when you crack a 10am beer
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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