I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
