If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
