I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
