Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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