In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
