I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pants are for mortals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
