I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Even my vagina gasped.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
