just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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