Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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