I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
