I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
