i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
