I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
