No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
