Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
