brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
