Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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