I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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