I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
