i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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