does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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