if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
