Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
