opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
