Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
